Three Moons Yoga Blog

OILS, TEAS & PRENATAL SELF-CARE

With the heat of summer upon us, and the desire to make iced tea, or sprits ourselves with cooling hydrosols, it is a good time to talk about perinatal safety regarding esential oils, oils, and herbs, teas etc.

[By no means are any opinions or advice offered here intended to replace that of your health care provider, nor to supersede your intuitions as a mother]

With all the products out on the market today, and the increasing movement to natural care, it is hard to know what is safe and healthy to use. It is important to know that most products are in fact marketed to sell themselves (even those that appear to be natural and healthy), and will not always portray themselves honestly; so we need to be savvy when scanning product information, for ourselves and our family.

EO’s: ESSENTIAL OILS

There is much written on essential oils, websites catering to the trend of their use now, as a holistic health product, and every main-stream cosmetic company is trying to cash in on the popularity of the latest hyped up EO. And, although these highly concentrated essence’s of plants are very effective at the therapeutic relief of a variety of ails, they are just that, highly concentrated. An educated aromatherapist, and credible provider of essential oils (which will ALWAYS name their product using their botanical names on their product), will advise pregnant women to avoid these oils, at the very least in the first trimester, and always, dilute, and avoid direct contact on skin: preferably only to use in diffusion at best.

For the safety of your unborn child, and yourself, unless advised by someone who is certifiably knowledgeable, it is best to stay away from using EO’s, and avoid skin care products that contain large amounts.

Research shows some EO’s can cross the placental barrier, and the brain barrier in some cases¹, when absorbed through the skin. This is not to say we don’t have far more harmful synthetic chemicals in our environment, but EO’s are extremely concentrated versions of the plants they come from, and are medicinal, not simply aesthetic, and should be approached with caution as we do all medicines.

One can gain the same pleasant aromatics from oven drying citrus fruit slices in their oven, and hanging these around the house. Drying flowers in rooms. Boiling down savory spices. Etc.

As for the medicinal effect they promise, such as pain relief, sleep aid, nausea relief, there are yoga postures, breathing techniques, pressure points, and other exercises of therapeutic techniques one can use other than essential oils.

SELF MASSAGE, OIL vs LOTIONS

Moisturizing can help relieve the itchiness that comes with skin stretching, and help reduce some of the stretch marking that comes with our growing bellies. For years women used basic vegetable oils, and these worked quite well. Industrialization and “modernization” paved the way for companies to “improve” on these products. Lotions contain synthetics that harm our endocrine system, pollute us and the environment, and alcohol along with other irritants which end up drying or aggravating the skin. The benefit being less oily, more tactile product, but not much of a real trade off. Fortunately there are more natural companies providing alternatives. Bio-Oil is NOT one of them, although it has been synonymous with stretch marks for years, it is filled with harmful chemicals, and is essentially just a glorified mineral oil.

When seeking a lotion, seek one that is synthetic free, plant based, with no essential oil, or alcohol (except cetyl alcohol which is a fatty alcohol with many benefits). The fewer ingredients the better. Most plant oil based are better, and real botanical extracts are good as well.

But, at the end of the day, coconut oil, avocado oil, olive oil, almond oil, grapeseed oil, jajoba oil, shea butter, or a combination you blend at home of these, will be just as good, if not the best solution for your needs.

My personal recommendation is a blend of coconut², grapeseed³, jajoba⁴, and almond ⁵, into a bottle and shake vigorously. Coconut oil is partially hydrogenated, therefore will keep the other oils together in a more viscous consistency, and is incredibly effective at moisturizing, while it also has antimicrobial/antibacterial properties. Grapeseed is neutral, high in vitamin E and antioxidants. Jajoba is close to our natural pH, and also has a natural viscous, wet-wax like consistency, sealing natural moisture and adding to the combined oil’s cohesion. Then almond is effective at managing conditions of skin inflammation and irritation as well moisturizing, leaving behind a rich luster.

If you choose only one product to buy organic, let it be your oils, as these are concentrations of what they are made from,. Concentrations of any pesticides as used in the production of their crops translated onto your skin, into the body, and so forth.

HERBS & TEAS

In your kitchen, most likely, there are common spices and herbs that can in excess, change hormone levels, help with nausea and fatigue. Or even potentially induce labor.

I cannot advise you on what to take for what here. But I will provide some lists⁶ to refer you to, that the first trimester is the most sensitive for these things, with all things, be moderate, and let you know what teas are commonly known to be safe:

Ginger is likely to be one of the most recommended teas for nausea, and most safe option, of course, in moderate doses, and watch for combination teas. Always look for simple one ingredient teas. Use caution near to pregnancy to avoid complications.

Rooibos is considered safe and may be helpful with some discomforts during pregnancy while providing small amounts of nutrients. It is also hydrating and caffeine free, with a naturally sweet flavor. All the same, it should be consumed in moderation, and monitor said consumption especially it this is a new tea to your regiment. Be sure to only consume teas that are not blends with mixed herbs/teas.

Peppermint in moderate amounts, in the later half of pregnancy, is considered safe, , but in moderate amounts, and be cautious when purchasing that it is not from a blended tea with other herbs/teas that may be harmful. Although mints can be helpful with digestive concerns, they can also aggravate digestive acids, and can also stimulate the uterus. This is why it is best to moderate ingestion, and avoid it till the later half of pregnancy.

Frequently people are drawn to herbal teas, and herbal blends believing these to be safe, caffeine free, healthy options, but many of them contain plants medicines that can have an impact on baby, or potential contraindications with pharmaceutical medications they are taking. Berry blend teas, often contain a floral component or herb that is also a medicinal. The aroma and flavor may seen lovely, but it can reek havoc. So be cautious, and check the label, do a little searching, and while pregnant, stick to simplicity. ives. Bio-Oil is NOT one of them, although it has been synonymous with stretch marks for years, it is filled with harmful chemicals, and is essentially just a glorified mineral oil.

I found it was always best myself, to make my own large tea blends, and bring them with me as I went to work or about. It satiated my desire for something tasty, and kept me hydrated 🙂 I quite enjoyed some lemon and or lime with hint of ginger, rooibos and mint in a mason jar with dry mulberries soaked in to give a hint of maple sweetness. If you’ve ever had mulberries, you’ll know what I mean by maple sweetness 😉

There are other teas, some of which may be safe depending who you speak to, or when they are taken, but the above are the most agreed upon by majority cross section. If you have a midwife, or well educated doctor who is working with you, refer to them as your pregnancy progresses.

Overall, we have too much already to worry about. My hope here was not to add to your fears, but to provide information. Don’t fret, you got this mama 🙂 Even if you drink some tea, eat something not so good, use some lotion that isn’t top grade, or whatever this or that, nature is not always against us, and has safety parameters in place for so many possibilities. At the end of the day, we need to remind ourselves, that we have kept the human race alive this long, and the only thing that really, truly does any harm to us, is stress. So we can only do some things, and find happiness on the middle path.

REFERENCES:

PERINATAL NUTRITION

So much focus is placed on the baby during pregnancy, and after birth, and every momentous stage of development which follows, but there are just as many momentous stages of change occurring in the mother that needs to be acknowledged. During pregnancy there is a world forming inside mom, which requires a host of hormones, which can play all sorts of fun games on her, such as causing nausea, low energy, or high energy, as well as increasing laxity in her joints, preparing the pelvis for the passage of baby. This makes a lot of women super excited when they try out yoga, as suddenly they are more flexible than they were before, but sometimes they can overstretch, causing themselves injury, and adding to the tendinitis that can develop during and/or after pregnancy. This is why it is important to not overstretch during these practices, and also, to work on nutrition during, AND after pregnancy. Once we become mothers, a switch turns on, that is hard to turn off, and we are in a constant “go” mode, unable to slow down and take care of ourselves often, as we are taking care of not only our children, but often anyone who falls into our proximity, such as partners, neighbours, colleagues, friends, who sometimes become comfortable with this idea of being cared for, complacently so, and themselves, used to this from us, forget how important it is to help these women who care for and raise the world they live in. But this, is, unfortunately, another task we are given, as mothers, is to learn, or re-learn, how to ask for help, and sometimes, teach those around us, how to help us. While we are pregnant we usually have so much support from those around us, and information, LOTS of information about everything, such as nutrition, prenatal vitamins etc, and how to keep ourselves healthy and get prepared for birth, but then after the big day, many of us are suddenly left eating out of takeout containers, or what scraps we can manage in between our busy days. I remember once making the statement that I could make two of three choices in the first few weeks, I could eat, sleep, and/or shower, two of the three, but not all three. So I was very stinky for the first few weeks to months after I had my son. Lol. But I was alone much of the time, while my partner was at work, and family visits were more work for me than helpful. This is symptomatic of our western society. We are tribal animals, now living in secluded, divided domiciles, pairing off, and isolating our mothers even further. Although some are very fortunate to have family and friends to visit and stay to help, often though this is not the case. We need community, as social animals, to thrive, and to help us nourish ourselves. If a mother is nursing, she needs nearly as many extra calories a day as she did while baby was growing in her womb, (that’s ~300-500 + about 13 cups of water/day for nursing and ~200-500 for gestating depending on trimester, and all of which varies on age, weight, and individual) but many mothers not only begin to restrict their diet after birth, wanting to get back to their pre-baby bodies, but they also just don’t have time to prepare nutritious meals sometimes, and when they do, it’s sometimes grabbed up by the other little ones and family they are caring for. While I understand this, myself having suffered with my own extra pounds struggle after my son, I felt like I was never going to be pretty again, and so dismayed, but I also knew, if I starved myself, I couldn’t nurse, and whatever went into my body, came out in my milk. Just another battle as a warrior woman to fight, which was fought in a dirty robe with baby in tow, so I could at least eat and sleep, choosing two of the three things I could fit into the days, until I figured out how to juggle eight things with two arms and standing on one leg. Finding time for self care, in the midst of all these challenges can seem impossible, so how do we make more time? Self-care won’t look the same anymore, just as “self” will never be the same, once you get back to her. Motherhood transforms us, as we take on these new roles, which can be wonderful, but also a real flipping roller-coaster sometimes, and it takes community to help us through the metamorphosis, with others who have been there, to reassure us that it’s okay to cry in the cereal isle for no reason, or yell at the UPS man for ringing the bell when you just got your child to nap, and welcome us through the rites of passage, or having poop on our favourite clothing, to our first full night of sleep, and tips and tricks for teething, and potty training, to friends to go out with when we leave the kiddos at home and can spread out newfound wings.

Now how does yoga fit in here? Yoga began mainly as a meditational practice, thousands of years ago, with movements added in over time, to help make sitting in mediation for hours, more accessible. The yoga we know today, was adapted in more recent decades to be the physical practice we see in studios, but it still stands on the roots of breathwork and mediation. Breathwork in yoga, Pranayama, (prana meaning vital life force, and yama meaning to take control of), is the cornerstone for yoga and meditation practices not only in yoga but Buddhists, and various long standing, and modern meditation and mindfulness practices which are quickly gaining recognition and popularity in the mainstream. Through our breath, we can calm the nervous system, lower our blood pressure, via the autonomic nervous system, which controls the parasympathetic and sympathetic sides of the nervous system, famous for “fight-or-flight” stress response, or the “rest-and-digest” relax response. Now imagine our lives, today, as parents, faced with all the anxieties we face day to day, raising our children with so much responsibility, before we even take a look at our phone and social media feeds! Just the thought of listening to the news stirs up a stress response, and this, releases cortisol, even a small amount, and it affects our bodies ability to rest-and-digest. What this means, is the bodies literal digestion, but also the organ assimilation and regeneration, the things that happen during sleep, so when you do get sleep, you get a little less of “actual” rest, if you have stress hormones flowing, since your nervous system is in a flight mode. This is one of the reasons that as mothers, when we have a lot on the go, even when we get sleep, we may feel like we are not getting full rest, and our brain is in a constant fog. But taking the time to breathe, can help add minutes to the meter, and help with cognition, and enhance our few hours of sleep to be more productive in regenerating our bodies and minds. All the same applies for expectant moms, who may be having anxieties, overwhelmed with all the information and decisions leading up to their due date, using breath to help tune in and tune out, to just be in the moment. Relaxing, as well as learning vital breathing techniques that can help manage pain during labour, with a deeper sense of self-awareness. When I became pregnant, it was a surprise, as I had been told for nearly ten years prior, I had a 1% chance of natural conception, due to infertility issues. Needless to say, I had anxieties during my pregnancy, as all mothers do, which is completely natural, as we should be energized to prepare, but, the negative effects that keep us awake, and cause us undue stress, I needed to get under control. I needed, to “yama” my “prana”, which returning with new focus to my yoga practice really helped me at this juncture of my life.

Breath is an incredible tool, we can harness, and it amazes me still every time I see people find that “aha” moment when they exhale and realize they have been holding their breath, or retaining tension without realizing for such a long time, and that by just exhaling, they could let go, of tension and so much more. The most important step toward self-care, and nourishing yourself and your family, begins with an intentional, deep breath in.

Here are some reference links to prenatal nutrition, postnatal nutrition, from nursing to formula feeding mammas:

Prenatal Nutrition
Lactation Nutrition:

Do breastfeeding mothers need extra calories or fluids?

Dieting While Nursing
Feeding Options & Consultations, from Nursing to Formula

MOON SHAPED SCAR
And The Care/Scar Massage To Follow

If you have not had a cesarean, you likely know mostly what media has portrayed to you. Maybe what a friend or relative near to you has experienced. Women in movies or tv shows, complaining about wardrobe “fails” because of their scar, or complaints of the physical irritations that follow recovery. But there is so much more to the scar, and the procedure that leads up to it, than the visual remnant, that many women, are not aware of, informed of, or prepared for. Myself, I do not have a cesarean scar, but my best friend, and neighbor friend, who both had their babies nearly a year after me, (within months of each other), both had cesareans. Both had fairly different experiences as well with their surgery, the scaring, and the recovery; even years after. And that, is a big part here, of what we need to discuss. The impact of the scar, just the seemingly superficial part of the surgery, can have years later on the body. This is not even to mention the physical rehabilitation that comes with having a major operation, sometimes after hours of exhausting labour, and emotional anticipation, anxiety, all stirred about, or having had this surgery for an emergency reason.

Between 25-35% of Canadian women receive a cesarean delivery, a number that has risen from the low 20’s in the early 2000’s and continues to rise with each passing year despite lowered births in the last few years

Global statistics on cesareans are even more staggering when we consider the reasons behind there use in some countries, as a leap-to-resort, when the otherwise life saving medical interventions, (or better practices), are not employed, accessible, or education, nor options presented to women.

Not to dissmiss that it is a viable option for women, and a choice, of course, for many who wish to schedule a cesarean, or request it after hours of agonizing labour, or need it in a very true urgent situation. It has been a life saving medical intervention for many mothers, and babies we are grateful to have. And the “moon shaped scar”, as I lovingly call it, is often one of pride. For it was a door to life.

Just like every vaginal birth story, every cesarean birth story may look very different. From a scheduled c-section, to an emergency c-section to save the life. or lives of both mother and child. Some reasons for a cesarean would be if you are having multiples, if baby is in a breech positions (feet down), baby or mother is experiencing a medical emergency or distress, labour isn’t progressing, and sometimes, if you’ve had a cesarean before, it can be more difficult to have a vaginal birth after this, (but not impossible). I have another friend who with the help of her doula, and her own sheer hard headed determination, had her second child vaginally despite having her first by cesarean. Whichever reason, your birth story, whether it was part of the plan, or not, as we soon enough will have our child in our arms, and learn soon thereafter, we have to go with the flow; which sometimes moves very quickly.

Usually one or two support people are permitted in the room with mother, such as their partner, doula, or other support, depending on the hospital/centre, and the situation around the surgery. Fortunately these procedures have been done for many years now, and have become less evasive on the mother, requiring smaller incisions, less maneuvering of internal organs, resulting in quicker, safe delivery of baby; all of which leads to faster healing, for more time to bond between mother and child. In many cases mothers are sent home to continue their recovery from home after just a few days in the hospital. Which, depending how you feel about hospitals, may, or may not be a good thing. Some feel that we should be given more time in the hospital for recovery, and mother should be provided more assistance after her surgery, and others prefer to leave as soon as they can for the comforts of home. Postpartum Doulas are especially helpful in these situations.

Whichever it is, be sure to have all the information you need about the homecare, and that there will be someone to help with the physical care as with the scar, bending, twisting, and lifting is restricted for weeks to follow.

Once home, recovery includes some of the same elements of vaginal birth, such as the 4-6 week “period”, postpartum bleeding, called lochia, in which the uterus is sloughing off residual tissues, restoring its lining as it would similarly do to during monthly menstruation. Quite differently now, from after a long gestational inhabitation of 39/40+ weeks full term. As well as having to wear pads for 4-6 weeks, feeding, not sleeping as much, there is also being mindful of a surgery scar, that means no twisting movements, bending or picking up (which makes diaper changing and child care really hard if you are alone), and laying on your stomach, if you are a stomach sleeper, or trying to exercise, not accessible at least for the first six weeks. Again. A Doula, or helper. It is a time to ask for help.

As it applies to yoga, there are specific does, and don’t listed all around early cesarean scar care, so please, be sure to tell your teachers, if you have a scar, if it is still bothering you, even if it is not, as it lets us know certain ways we can change up poses to benefit your practice. Such as skipping cobras for cat-cows instead to gently move, and through the torso, and not over stretch and aggravate that scar. Or leg slides instead of dead bugs, as a slower progression to start you off toward your journey to rehabilitating those abdominal muscles at the right pace.

After six weeks, your lochia has passed, and it is also around this time that hopefully, your care provider, hopefully, will be advising you to start gentle massage of the scar tissue. Scar tissue can cause a host of problems if not tended to correctly, and not just aesthetic. It is important, at the right time, during the healing process, to help keep the scar from attaching to deeper tissues, to provide physio care to the scar and surrounding tissues. If the scar tissue is left it adheres to deeper tissues that connect to fascia that runs from the pubic bone, around to the bladder, even to the uterus, and colon all the way to the sacrum. Women after cesareans can often experience tightness through this region, decreased mobility, lower back pain, and a spiral of pain that leads to reduced activities, more pain, and lower quality of life. Later in life the scar tissue, left deep, and untended, can press against the bladder, and lead to incontinence issues. Pressure throughout the lower abdomen can also affect sexual pleasure. But massage is relatively simple to do, and can be done after 6 weeks, and even months or years after, and still have beneficial results.

Lyn Schulte with the “Institute for Birth Healing” offers a wealth of information about cesarean scar care here, as well as a very helpful video, at the bottom of the page, on how to massage the scar, six weeks post surgery, or after that.

Whether it was in your birth plan or not, it is important to care for your scars after surgery. If you are about to have a baby, and want to plan your birth to include or exclude a cesarean, an important step is to create a birth plan on paper. This is something you can do on your own, or with your partner and/or doula, midwife, or healthcare provider as well, can help with specifics. Birthing centres offer on site tours as well as consultations, and services that help you to develop a birth plan with their facility and your midwife and doula if you have one or both, depending on the location. Most hospitals will also offer information sessions about their birthing units, and the procedures they offer during labour, such as medications, and standard protocols, that will help with your birth plan, and choosing the best facility.

If you do not have a doula, designating someone you trust to advocate for you during the big day, can be extremely helpful, and keep you focused on yourself and baby. It can be your partner, or a trusted family member, or friend, but usually you want someone who can be there, listen to your wishes, follow your plan, and be strong in the face of whatever may come. Doulas are trained just for this, and do just this job for you, so it is well worth looking into, wherever you live, in the months prior to your due date, to help with preparations, and make some connection with this person who will be sharing in the birth experience.

Whether it was in your birth plan or not, it is important to care for your scars after surgery. If you are about to have a baby, and want to plan your birth to include or exclude a cesarean, an important step is to create a birth plan on paper. This is something you can do on your own, or with your partner and/or doula, midwife, or healthcare provider as well, can help with specifics. Birthing centres offer on site tours as well as consultations, and services that help you to develop a birth plan with their facility and your midwife and doula if you have one or both, depending on the location. Most hospitals will also offer information sessions about their birthing units, and the procedures they offer during labour, such as medications, and standard protocols, that will help with your birth plan, and choosing the best facility.

If you do not have a doula, designating someone you trust to advocate for you during the big day, can be extremely helpful, and keep you focused on yourself and baby. It can be your partner, or a trusted family member, or friend, but usually you want someone who can be there, listen to your wishes, follow your plan, and be strong in the face of whatever may come. Doulas are trained just for this, and do just this job for you, so it is well worth looking into, wherever you live, in the months prior to your due date, to help with preparations, and make some connection with this person who will be sharing in the birth experience.

Here is a link to an article with a comprehensive birth plan I found adequate, but there are many on the internet, so do some research, compare, and take your time to make changes as you get closer to the big day:

https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/your-body/calculators-birthplan_10328792

METAMORPHASIS

This past Wednesday was Flora’s Walk in commemoration of Flora, a mother who lost her life to postpartum psychosis January 14^th 2022, Toronto Canada, after her struggle with anxiety, depression, and fertility long dreaming of becoming a mother. Her story is unfortunately not uncommon, and this is why walks, fundraisers, and days, causes for awareness are so important. We need to speak out, and talk among ourselves about these important issues, and simply make safe, open spaces for women to come out and share their experiences, and find out where there are resources, or, just have a friendly ear to hear them rather than suffer in silence until it is too late.

When it comes to the anxiety, it is hard to differentiate, which is just “regular” anxiety, as to be “expected” with all that comes with motherhood, and that which is causes damage to your health. Often anxiety that begins in pregnancy, can carry on after pregnancy, which is natures way of keeping mother on her toes, to an extent, but when it consumes your every thought and keeps you awake when you have time to sleep, and keeps you from relaxing, when there is time to relax, it can be beyond that “normal” threshold. Lack of sleep, leads to health issues as well. We all know that from the sleepless nights that follow birth, but anxiety itself adds to the pressure, and that can lead to depression as well.

I was asked how I knew, when I had postpartum depression. When was the moment I realized. The truth is, I was in denial from early on after my son was born. I didn’t have that magic moment you see in the movies when he was handed to me after I gave birth. I was exhausted. I had been awake three days. I was forced into an induction, and hospital birth because my son was past due (not the birth experience I wanted), and 56 hours in, still hadn’t slept any of that time. I had no strength left in my body, and was afraid I would drop my son if I tried to hold him right after delivery. A couple days after leaving the hospital we would be back, in the NCIU, for a week, treating my son for “off the charts” bilirubin (jaundice), most likely because of all the induction drugs they pumped into me, and not a wink of sleep my body had, I crumbled on myself. There was no way in the universe I was not going to be blaming myself for being a failure to protect my son in this case. I now couldn’t even hold my newborn boy while he had to sleep in a blue light box, and I had to pump like a cow to give him as much fluids as possible to clear his system of the bilirubin till his tiny body could handle the job. All the hormones cascading down, and emotions of insanity and sleeplessness and all. It added up. But I still didn’t have time to process. Weeks still went on where I lived on the couch with my son in a bassinet next to me, sleeping maybe 30-60 minutes at a time, watching Netflix re-runs in a timeless parallel universe where I existed as just a nursing, and diaper changing vessel to serve this tiny pink wrinkle of squeaky cries and fluids. I struggled to feel love for my son, but I felt exhaustion, and guilt. And more self hate for myself because I was failing at what I was supposed to be, according to all the images I had been fed by movies and media all my life.

It was when I went back to work though, that the depression kicked in. I knew before, there was more than just regular postpartum hormonal shifts. I knew my struggle to feel “normal” after giving birth, and my anxieties were more than just the “norm,” but I just kept hoping, like my milk supply, they would eventually, even themselves out. If I ignored them, they would just, fix themselves. Fake it till you make it. Right?

It became evident the work wasn’t working. My depression was growing, and the job itself wasn’t helping. Live broadcasting, is not a supporting environment for mothers, new mothers, especially, who want to continue nursing. A subject I’ll touch on another time. I’ll just say, I had a power outlet in a public washroom, next to a sink, and no efforts to make better accommodations were made.

After I left work, I felt a little better, but I knew things weren’t right. I went to baby-well groups, and I wanted to talk, to share how I felt, hoped someone else would talk, and say something that I was thinking, but they never did, and, I was afraid to say anything. I was afraid if I said what I was feeling or going through, someone would tell me I was a horrible mother, or worse, take my son away from me. I should have known, that that was evidence enough of my love for him, but the depression and anxiety was eating away at me, with the sleep deprivation, so much so, that I had trouble believing anything but, that I was inferior and worthless, and had to try harder to conceal my inferiority. My life was consumed with trying so hard to do everything perfectly.

When your child is sick early on, you worry so much about everything. Elevated bilirubin can cause brain damage, and lead to cerebral palsy, and other cognitive delays. So every step of the way with developmental stages, I was waiting and watching deliberately taking notes for the doctor. We were on a waiting list for a pediatric specialist to do tests, because we had no way to know anything for sure until he was older. Everything was a waiting game, that just added more for my already anxious mind to worry about. I wished so much I could just talk, but I just worried.

One day, we all went to the public library, as a family, and I decided to look at some books about postpartum mental health. I had gone there looking for cook books, and I don’t recall how I got to the postpartum or self-help books, but I am glad I did. I picked up a book, “This Isn’t What I Expected” by Karen R. Kleiman and Valerie Davis Raskin MD, which includes the stories from real mothers, telling their experiences, just like I am here. This is what I needed. I needed to hear other women speaking up, that reassured me, I wasn’t the only one, and I wasn’t a horrible person, and that I still loved my son. And I did. He was happy, laughing, rossy cheeked, eating the best darn food any kid could (because I wasn’t sleeping obsessing over too many details lol). I can laugh now, but I was restless those first few years, obsessive about health. To some extent I still am, and learned so much, that I retain, and still value as positive, but sleep, and relaxation, are huge parts of good health, I had to learn as well.

My family doctor at the time, had herself left for maternity leave, so I was even more so at a loss for how to approach the situation. I had been in therapy the years before, as I have struggle with depression and anxiety for the most part of my adolescent, and part of my adult life. These are other factors that are common indicators of if women are at a higher risk of prenatal or postpartum anxiety/depression, is if you have a history of depression and/or anxiety. I opened up to her replacement though, and she was very sympathetic, and eventually my family doctor came back, herself a new mother, again, and very empathetic to my experiences, so I was very fortunate to have these supports. Which is what it all comes down to. Support.

This is why I am sharing my story here today. Hearing other women’s stories, is what helped me come out of the dark with my postpartum, and seek the help I needed. When I finally did, I felt a different sadness, a grieving. I grieved all the time I had lost, that was stolen from me. I felt I could have sought help sooner, and had a better experience with my son earlier on after our birth. But it passed, and we went on, and I found something to build on. It was at this point, that I wanted to go back to the Baby & Me Yoga classes he and I had gone to before I went back to work, but now with no job, and no support, one income, we couldn’t afford it. I started to look at community centres in the city, and there were mom/play groups, but no free baby & me yoga groups. I was also looking for postpartum support groups, and programs, just for me, and there was nothing in my vicinity, and this was pre-covid, so no virtual access, and I had no sitter, friends, family assistance to let me go places to do things like that, far away from home. I needed to bring my son with me whatever I did. I was so upset. But I knew, if I had trouble accessing things, there were women worse off than me. I was then livid at this realization of injustice, knowing I was not alone in my struggle; and determined.

It took some time, but I decided then, I was going to become a yoga teacher, and teach perinatal, and Baby & Me yoga classes, offering community classes. It’s just started, and growing, and I’m so glad it got me here. The determination got me through the dark patches, many of times, and I still struggle sometimes, with self doubt, fear, insecurity and uncertainty, but I do these things for so many reasons, most of all, because I want to heal, myself, and others, and that is a journey we need to share, and can’t do alone.

Wherever you are, on your journey, you have a community, all around you, just waiting to welcome you. Find your community centre mom groups, your friends, your family, and open up, because once you start talking, you will find out, people will listen, and often, they too have a similar story to share.

https://www.postpartum.net/
https://mothercraft.com/

https://www.centretownchc.org/mental-health-services

WHY I DON’T SAY NAMASTE TO END MY CLASSES

I long ago heard Namaste in my Yoga classes spoken by my teachers, as a hello and goodbye, similar to Aloha in the Hawaiian language, and sheepishly followed along, thinking this is what it meant. Class is beginning, “Hello, Namaste, Welcome,” then at the end, “Class is over, Have a good day, Goodbye Namaste.” I never questioned or asked anymore. Which is not my nature at all! In every other thing I was the one who asked, but why!? Until I was introduced to Susanna Barkataki, who has no issues speaking up against missuses and misappropriations, as well as speaking up for equality and inclusivity in more open spaces. She really reached me on a level beyond just that of strengthening my own resolve to create a more authentic teaching practice. Yoga has become this overly, whitewashed, western trendy thing, and in the process, colonized, like everything else the west has taken, and twisted for its own gain. To ensure we preserve the spirit of Yoga we have a responsibility, as students and teachers, to bring into our practices, teachings that represents the roots from which the age old teachings rises from, not just cherry picking what is fashionable or sells to the current demographic.

I’m the kind of person who frequently goes down research rabbit holes, and when it comes to ancient history, anything to do with culture and anthropology, I’m going to get sucked in, which is precisely why I have fallen so head over heals with Yoga. India, has maintained such a rich history, with so much documentation for historians, archaeologists, anthropologists, philosophers, and modern sages alike to dig into, and ponder for ages to come! Every class I prepare, I am eager to bring some new insight to my students, as I am still uncovering so much. I get so much joy when I bring new information to a student who had never had a teacher explain the origin of a pose name, Asana (pose), or a Pranayama, (breathing practice), or a Mudras (seal or gesture, usually with hands) meaning to them before. It doesn’t take that much extra time to do, and it enriches the practice, while respecting where it comes from, and provides us all with something more than just some “stretching.” Which is NOT what Yoga is all about. Something else that gets me giddy, is when I talk to someone new to Yoga, and explain to them the science behind breath-work, or subtle energetics, and they say to me, “wow, I thought it was just about stretching.” In the process of more fully embracing the roots of Yoga, in my practice, and with more confidence, in my teaching Yoga, it has helped me to look into my own roots, and where my ancestry lays, and how that incorporates into my story. Many of us in the west come from mix backgrounds, and do not all fully know our stories, and often feel a lost sense of cultural identity, mixed in a hodge-podge medley. I myself am a mix of Acadiens Mi’kmaq, and a blend of northern European through to Southern European with a dash of Irish/Scottish. I feel lost in the world so much of the time, as though I am in an ocean with waves crashing in on me from every direction of culture, religion, ethnic identity, and being pulled, pushed, and dumped along the way. When I’ve travelled I’ve been mistaken for a local in Turkey, Spanish in England, or Armenian in Lebanon. I’ve been asked if I or my son are half Asian, or even, “from the reserve,” too many times, and not one time is appropriate. The worst, which I don’t know if I laugh at because it hurts in a bad way or because of it being so appalling, is when someone just outrightly asks me, “what are you?” Often, I do feel adrift, without a sense of self, between worlds, and wondering, “what am I,” in the world that sees for me, as an ambiguous looking woman. But I have it easy, by far, and with that privilege comes responsibility, to represent and present respect, lifting up those who can’t for themselves.

To be grounded, when we have no sense of where we come from, is extremely difficult, so naturally, we seek something that has stronger roots than our own, which is why I think so many are fascinated and drawn to traditions as rich as Yoga, Thai Chi, and Buddhism, which date so far back, with so much ritual and presence in them. There is nothing wrong in this, as long as we approach these practices with respect, openly learning from them, willing to learn their history as well, not just what appeals to us, respecting the traditions as they are, and not simply to seek gain from them. When I end my classes, I ask my students look inside themselves, and thank themselves for taking the time to practice, thank those who came to share their practice with them, and thank them for sharing their practice with me. It took a little time, and thought, but I found my own personal way to end a class, that wasn’t a misappropriation.

Susanna Barkataki: Respecting Namaste

Blog Spot

Three Moons Yoga Blog